Best of Shaq: Nicknames and Quotes

Shaquille Rashaun O'Neal will go down as one of the greatest, most dominant big men of all time. This year on the Suns, O'Neal has been surprisingly effective, albeit on a lot more rest than usual, rarely playing on back to back nights. To celebrate his newfound youthfulness on the court, let's review some of O'Neal's best nicknames from Basketbawful and quotes from Shaqquotes.com:

Nicknames:

It is important to remember that nearly all of these are self-invented nicknames, and somehow even funnier because of that. Usually, it is the other way around. Let's review the favorites, there are many, many others:

• the original -- Shaq -- most people probably assume this is his actual name


• the classic -- The Diesel -- just a cool nickname, my favorite of them all


• the usual -- The Big (etc.) -- Daddy, Aristotle, Maravich, Felon, IPO, Baryshnikov, Spender, Cactus, Deporter, Banana, and probably many others.


• the dumb -- Osama Bin Shaq -- said in '02 after 9/11


• the strange -- Shaq Fu -- the fact that he has a video game after this one, only pushes it to another level.

Quotes:

"The Diesel" has demonstrated a willingness to same whatever is on his mind, whenever he speaks, so he is a natural quote machine. Here's some comedy gold from the Big Deporter:

• “Our offense is like the Pythagorean Theorem. There is no answer.”


• “The stats win nothing. I’m still sexy. I’m still great.”


• REPORTER: Shaq, do you have a special routine before the playoffs?
  SHAQ: Yeah, I let your mother rub my feet.


• “I wouldn’t. I would just go home. I’d fake an injury or something.” (When asked how he would defend against himself.)


• “I told my wife the other day, I’m the Halle Berry of the NBA. Everybody wants this, baby. Everybody wants me.”


• “I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.”


• “If you don’t like me, there must be something wrong with you.”


• “It’s hard being the NBA’s sex symbol, but somebody has to do it.”


• “Pluto is not a planet, but I am.”


• “First person who says that to my face, I’ll punch you!” (Talking to a group of reporters, who wanted to bring up Shaq’s obesity.)


• “Tell Yao Ming, ‘ching-chong-yang-wah-ah-soh.’” (Accompanied with approximated kung fu moves.)


• “Yeah, have fun over there. And if you see any of my Irish cousins, tell ‘em I said, ‘Shiver me timbers,’ or something like that.”


• “[Eric Dampier] is soft. Quote it, write it, tape it and send it to him. I tell you, there’s nothing there.”

In addition to those nicknames and quotes, the Diesel has blessed us with a slew of new words in the english language. Now we've got Shaqalicious, Shaqtus, and many more. Just like Barkley, Shaq is refreshingly candid and hopefully, his media success will inspire others to try and follow in his outgoing footsteps.

NFL Playoff Scenario Generator

Check out this NFL Playoff Scenario Generator from Yahoo Sports. The feature allows you to change the results of each game and see how that impacts the playoff picture. Right now they have a projected 12 team field, but that can quickly change with a few clicks of the mouse.

OJ Sentenced

I just watched the OJ Simpson sentencing live on ESPNNEWS. OJ was choked up as he made his closing statements, in which he apologized for his actions, and claimed he didn't have the intention of hurting anyone. But the judge had little sympathy for OJs statements, and sentenced him to 18 years in prison. OJ will be eligible for parole in 5 years

This trial almost felt like a "makeup", for OJ's last trial. Nevertheless, the man was clearly guilty, and its good to see the American justice system working properly. Nobody is above the law, and OJ will have to learn that the hard way.

UPDATE: Apparently, the judge's decision was so confusing that ESPN misinterpreted the sentence. OJ was actually sentenced to 33 years in prison, with parole eligibility in 9 years. So basically, OJ will probably spend the rest of his life behind bars. But hey, think about all of the money hes gonna save on green fees

Major League Baseball and the Economy

Whether people want to admit it or not, it is clear that we are facing the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression. But will the tumultuous economy have a profound impact on Major League Baseball? A recent New York Times article addressed this question:

At the moment, baseball is bucking a trend. Teams are about to start awarding free agents lavish contracts that, in at least two instances, will almost certainly top $100 million. Meanwhile, the stock market continues to sink, retirement accounts are disappearing and the Big Three automakers are on the verge of bankruptcy.

It is unclear how much baseball is insulated from the nation’s economic problems and whether teams will cut back on the money they might normally offer free agents, or take other measures to save money.To date, the most vivid example that teams are keeping a close watch on the economy came last week, when the Boston Red Sox, a model of success on and off the field, announced they would not raise ticket prices for the first time since 1994.

As for baseball’s free agents, first baseman Mark Teixeira and pitcher C. C. Sabathia seem likely to end up with multiyear deals that could be worth close to $150 million. Others, like outfielder Manny Ramírez and pitcher A. J. Burnett, could easily get deals that top $50 million. Volcker’s remarks to the owners were unlikely to dampen those deals, but lesser free agents could be affected.

In my opinion, I believe it is time for teams to cut back on spending, at least until our economic issues are resolved. Now don't get me wrong, I believe players earn their paychecks, and I'm not complaining about high profile players. Instead, I believe the issue lies within low level players with inflated salaries.

Craig Calcaterra of ShysterBall recently worte an article discussing average salaries in the MLB. According to the MLBPA, the average salary in major league baseball is $2.93 Million. Although this is a slight decrease from 2007, I still believe that number is too high for an average salary. I have no problem with guys like A-Rod, Johan Santana, and CC Sabbathia getting contracts upwards of $100 Million. But the problem exists with contracts such as Geoff Jenkins ($13 Million/2Y), Marlon Anderson ($2.2 Million/Y), Kenny Rogers($8 Million/Y). Its killing the free agent market. If a career pinch hitter like Marlon Anderson gets $2.2 Million, then what is an all-star caliber Outfielder worth. Apparently about $100 Million (Torii Hunter).

My opinion on this subject is an unpopular one, but quite frankly I don't really care. As long as average players continue to get inflated contracts, my ticket prices will continue to rise. And in our current economy, thats something we cannot afford.

Tops Dogs in Sports Blogs

News and blog site, Wikio, updates monthly blog rankings based on some algorithm about links and posts and other blogs that I won't pretend to understand. However, it is cool to see the best sports blogs out. Even if these aren't perfect rankings, they do give a pretty good representation of the best blogs available. They've got the top 100 listed on the link, but you can search for any blog to check its ranking. Your's truly comes in at a cool #21489, so props to anyone who has helped attribute to that, we're just happy to be on there. Here's the top 25 sports blogs with some others Cheap Seats favorites mixed in. We'll bold our favorites:

1. Deadspin


2. MLB Trade Rumors


3. The Big Lead


4. D.C. Sports Blog


5. True Hoop


6. EDSBS


7. The LoHud Yankees Blog


8. Baseball Musings


9. Beyong the Boxscore


10. MetsBlog


11. Hardwood Paroxysm


12. Kissing Suzy Kolber


13. Mr. Irrelevant


14. Blazers Edge


15. MLB Rumors -- MLBTradeRumors.com


16. U.S.S. Mariner


17. AstrosDaily.com's Astrowire


18. MGoBlog


19. DRaysBay


20. Wizards Insider


21. Mile High Report


22. Blogging the Boys


23. Music City Miracle


24. Windy City Gridiron


25. Pride of Detroit

27. Baseball Analysts

47. The Good Phight

84. ShysterBall

Overall, I think it's a good list, although it is a travesty that ShysterBall is listed so low, it must be a algorithmic technicality. I look at this list like a little kid holding baseball cards, hoping one day that could be us, yet having the sense to known it's probably not going to happen. Nontheless, it is a cool listing and you should definitely check out some of the sites and see if they float your boat.

All Bark(ley), No Bite? No Chance

There is nothing more annoying than watching sports or highlights or analysis, where the panel just rambles on about nothing and everyone tip-toes around pretending to be funny and insightful. Right now, there are a few refreshing people who constantly give good commentary and leave the nonsense at home (and that includes the Bob Costas, Cris Collinsworth, Mel Kiper, etc. crap of acting as if they're incredibly smart and important). My favorite of the good guys is undoubtedly, Sir Charles Barkley.

Yes, Chuck, from time to time, says things that make no sense, or simply don't need to be said and is a degenerate gambler (hey, i've got just the answer!). However. Barkley gives you something that no one else on TV right now does and that is brutal honesty. He will say whatever he is thinking and whatever he wants, at any time, no matter what. This may rub some people the wrong way (like all the people of the nationalities he occasionally mocks), however this is GREAT for television and sports fans everywhere.

For instance, last week, he was outspoken about how Lebron needs to shut the hell up and stop his New York flirtation and keep his ability and focus in Cleveland. It's about time somebody addressed the on going problem of the league's marquee player openly checking in on his interest in the free agency market, two years down the road. But, that's an article for another day and I can't lie, I spend a lot of time thinking of Lebron's impending free agency and what might happen, but back to Barkley...

In an increasingly, politically correct world, everyone is walking on egg-shells and trying to avoid making the front page for any little slip up. And yet, every day Barkley goes out and just tells it like it is. Amen. And not only is Barkley outlandish and candid, he knows what he's talking about. He's knowledgeable and insightful on a consistent basis.

Another great thing about the best sports personality we've got is that he is actually funny. All over sports panels there is fake, overlaughing, but not with Barkley. He's funny. Seriously. If you find yourself laughing it's not because your TV has programmed you to laugh at crappy jokes from their analysts, it's because Chuck is hilarious. And this is without mentioning the commercials he does with Dwayne Wade which are tremendous (this has a lot to do with Dwayne also, he's great and deserves some of the credit).

Barkley is one of the greatest power forwards of all-time and will forever have a place in history because of his wide-ranging accomplishments on the court. But unlike many of his basketball peers, Barkley has been able to extend his usefullness off the court and make an impact on his sport long after he retired. I'm too young to have enjoyed his prime on the court, but you better believe that I won't be missing him now, in the prime of his career off the court. If you want some classic Barkley quotes, there's a great website giving all of his best quotes from a few years ago, it's high humor, yet only a small sample of comedy.

Matt O is Burning

We've all have been watching "Jim Rome is Burning" for years now. I feel like Jim Rome is someone you love or hate, and over the years I have come to love the guy. Not only does the guy crack tons of jokes during his program but he brings up interesting points and is extremely entertaining. I always wondered what it would be like to be in his shoes, so here I go. You are now tuned into "Matt O is Burning", here is what I'm burning on.

Joe Paterno- Does anyone else agree that this guy is the most overrated coach in college football? He has been at Penn State for 44 years and has 2 National Championships. The last one which came in 1986. That's before I was born! If Penn State fans want to win the National Title every 22 years, then go ahead have him. But if history repeats itself then this would have been the Nittany Lions year, and that is not happening. My message to Joe Pa.... RETIRE.


Plaxico Burress/ High Profile Athletes- Come on Plaxico! You've been more of a problem this year than T.O. has ever been. Every week this season it just seemed like you went and did something more stupid than the week before. There was no reason for you to accidentally shoot yourself other than you just being to stupid to handle a gun. This goes out to other athletes who have done ridiculous things like Jevon Kearse getting a DUI, Matt Jones getting busted with cocaine, and Michael Vick for dogfighting. You have millions of dollars, why would you go and let these things happen? Why would you let this distract you from playing sports? I'm not saying that you can't be a good person or have my support if this has happened to you, but with the life that you have as an athlete, why do you risk it?


Anti NHL fans- This is a topic that I have been meaning to get to for a while now. I don't understand why hockey can not be popular in the United States, especially when it is a lifestyle to our neighboring country Canada. What is not to like about hockey? It is the most fast paced game out there with plenty of action. There is a physical aspect to the game that is not seen in any other sport. In what other sport can players drop what they're doing and start throwing haymakers at each other. If two players in the NBA start throwing punches, it is automatic suspension and fine plus everyone makes a huge deal out of it. In hockey a fight is used to impact the game by getting your team and fans fired up, trying to rough up another teams top player and make them more tired by the end of the game. Also, shootouts are one of the most exciting things to watch. So whats not to like? It can't be the speed of the game because it is by far the fastest, it can't be the scoring because there is plenty of that, and it can be that it's boring because you can do things in hockey that you will never see in another sport. So come on all you hockey haters, give it a chance.

The city of Philadelphia-OK guys, you FINALLY won a championship. Don't get too excited about it. When I look back on the past 25 years, there is not a worse sports city in America than Philly. Before the Phillies winning the World Series a few weeks ago, no major sports team (baseball, football, basketball, hockey) in Philly had won a title. Since then, there have been numerous teams from different cities in different sports who have won multiple championships, the Yankees, Cowboys, Lakers, Red Wings, Spurs, Devils, and Patriots are just a few. The reason this World Series win was so incredible for Philadelphia fans is because their teams have sucked for so long. Not to mention their classless fans who threw packets of mustard and ketchup at Joe Maddon's 10 year old granddaughter. I was completely disgusted when I saw this and whatever respect I did have for Philly was lost at that moment. But this is what I have come to expect out of this city. I can go on and on, but I'm sure other writers of this blog want a shot at Philly so I'll let them handle it. Bottom Line- Philadelphia is by far the worst sports city in America and I will hate it as long as I have a breath in my body.

This concludes what I am burning on for now. Expect more burns in the future because someone or something is always doing something idiotic.

What is the NHL doing?

I'm making Cheap Seats history today, and writing the first article ever devoted to hockey. Don't get used to it.

For some reason, the only time I find the NHL significant when something bad happens. And this time, I am outraged. According to ESPN, the NHL has suspended Dallas Stars forward Sean Avery indefinitely for off the ice comments. Avery is no stranger to controversy, and when I heard about this incident, I expected something incredibly vulgar and offensive. But I was shocked when I found out what Avery actually said.

"I'm really happy to be back in Calgary; I love Canada. I just want to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don't know what that's about, but enjoy the game tonight."

Now I understand why NHL commissioner Gary Bettman found these comments offensive, but to suspend him indefinitely is a crime. How could you possibly suspend a player for making a comment directed at somebody who is not even in the NHL? Plus, is the term "sloppy seconds" really that offensive to anybody? Come on now.

In a sport which promotes fighting and aggressive play, you have to expect guys like Avery to be rough around the edges. But to me, this is a non-issue. To be honest, after watching the interview I feel like Avery was joking, and for what its worth I actually found the comment funny. Players like Todd Bertuzzi (who struck a player with his stick from behind) deserve to be suspended indefinitely. Not Avery. The NHL continues to puzzle me, and this is yet another reason I don't watch hockey.

Clifton Smith: Redefining Special Teams in Tampa Bay

For the past few seasons, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers have lacked playmakers. But that all changed when the Bucs promoted undrafted free agent RB Clifton Smith from the practice squad in week 4. With that roster move, the Bucs instantly got themselves the best kick returner in franchise history. Smith ranks 1st in the NFL in both kick return average (29.5) and punt return average (17.6), and has taken one of each to the house. But the most impressive part of Smith's play is the timing. Everytime the Bucs fall behind, Smith is the sparkplug that gets the team going. When the Bucs fell behind the Chiefs 21-3 in the first half, Smith delievered a clutch 90 yard kickoff return TD, which got the Bucs right back into the game. Without that return, the Bucs lose to the Chiefs. And then 2 weeks later, down 17-0 to the Lions, Smith took a punt back 70 yards, which set up 35 unaswered points from the Bucs.

I know that once again, my favorite Bucs will get snubbed from the pro bowl (Barrett Ruud, Jeff Faine, Gaines Adams, and Jermaine Phillips to name a few), but my man Clifton needs to be there. Nicknamed "peanut" by his teamates, Clifton has struggled throughout has career to prove the doubters wrong. Well he is certainly seizing this oppurtunity, and if he continues to electrify the Bucs, he could approach Devin Hester status. After watching the Bucs never return a kickoff for a TD until last season, its great that we finally have a guy who strikes fear in the opposing team.


UPDATE: Scott Reynolds of Pewterreport.com reports that Clifton Smith has been named NFC Special Teams Player of the Month.

How to Obsessively Gamble: Without Being a Degenerate

I'm not going to lie, I love betting on sports. It can make any game more exciting and turn a normally meaningless game into a battle of life and death for you, the gambler.

Now, being relatively money-less, I don't have the funds for an obsessive gambling habit. I can't afford to lose the money that i don't have (or my mom doesn't have). Therefore, I wanted to find another option to place some bets and have some fun, but to avoid all of the risk and problems.

I stumbled upon, CentSports, a free sports betting site. On this website, you are automatically given $.10 at sign-up and free to bet it on anything you want: baseball, football, basketball, soccer, college sports, tennis, boxing, MMA, etc. You can bet straight or you can parlay. Basically, it is all the fun of a bookie without the threat of getting your legs broken.

Better yet, if you take that $.10 and blow it on the first bet, they keep giving you $.10 more everytime that you fall below the $.10 line. It's a never-ending fund for you to gamble with. Now, I know, $.10 isn't much, but if you're good and you can work it up to $10, all money after that is yours to keep and you can cash it out. Yes, for most of us, that is a pipe dream, but that is what makes it fun in the long run! I know I'll probably blow it long before $10 (my best is $4), but I keep trying and am constantly screaming at the tv over a $.20 parlay of Penn State and the Over.

If this sounds like something you might be interested in, you can sign up here. I love it and can't imagine this kind of harmless fun doesn't suit most other people either.