Sunday, December 7, 2008

Best of Shaq: Nicknames and Quotes

Shaquille Rashaun O'Neal will go down as one of the greatest, most dominant big men of all time. This year on the Suns, O'Neal has been surprisingly effective, albeit on a lot more rest than usual, rarely playing on back to back nights. To celebrate his newfound youthfulness on the court, let's review some of O'Neal's best nicknames from Basketbawful and quotes from


It is important to remember that nearly all of these are self-invented nicknames, and somehow even funnier because of that. Usually, it is the other way around. Let's review the favorites, there are many, many others:
  • the original -- Shaq -- most people probably assume this is his actual name

  • the classic -- The Diesel -- just a cool nickname, my favorite of them all

  • the usual -- The Big (etc.) -- Daddy, Aristotle, Maravich, Felon, IPO, Baryshnikov, Spender, Cactus, Deporter, Banana, and probably many others.

  • the dumb -- Osama Bin Shaq -- said in '02 after 9/11

  • the strange -- Shaq Fu -- the fact that he has a video game after this one, only pushes it to another level.


"The Diesel" has demonstrated a willingness to same whatever is on his mind, whenever he speaks, so he is a natural quote machine. Here's some comedy gold from the Big Deporter:

  • “Our offense is like the Pythagorean Theorem. There is no answer.”

  • “The stats win nothing. I’m still sexy. I’m still great.”

  • REPORTER: Shaq, do you have a special routine before the playoffs?
    SHAQ: Yeah, I let your mother rub my feet.

  • “I wouldn’t. I would just go home. I’d fake an injury or something.” (When asked how he would defend against himself.)

  • “I told my wife the other day, I’m the Halle Berry of the NBA. Everybody wants this, baby. Everybody wants me.”

  • “I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.”

  • “If you don’t like me, there must be something wrong with you.”

  • “It’s hard being the NBA’s sex symbol, but somebody has to do it.”

  • “Pluto is not a planet, but I am.”

  • “First person who says that to my face, I’ll punch you!” (Talking to a group of reporters, who wanted to bring up Shaq’s obesity.)

  • “Tell Yao Ming, ‘ching-chong-yang-wah-ah-soh.’” (Accompanied with approximated kung fu moves.)

  • “Yeah, have fun over there. And if you see any of my Irish cousins, tell ‘em I said, ‘Shiver me timbers,’ or something like that.”

  • “[Eric Dampier] is soft. Quote it, write it, tape it and send it to him. I tell you, there’s nothing there.”

In addition to those nicknames and quotes, the Diesel has blessed us with a slew of new words in the english language. Now we've got Shaqalicious, Shaqtus, and many more. Just like Barkley, Shaq is refreshingly candid and hopefully, his media success will inspire others to try and follow in his outgoing footsteps.


  1. How are you gonna disrespect Shaq-Fu? Thats one of my all time favorites

  2. just saved the integrity of that post. Good work

  3. ahah thanks for the confidence booster.


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